Abuse situations must be lived in and experienced before their internal logic makes any sense. Such people internalized a particular relationship dynamic, namely the complementary roles of "abuser" and "victim".They are familiar with and fully understand the terror of being the helpless victim from their own childhood experience.The opposite of being a victim is not simply opting out of abuse; it is instead, to be abusive.Given the choice between being the out-of-control victim, or the in-control abuser, some of these people grow up to prefer the role of the abuser.They may have an antisocial (sociopathic, psychopathic) or narcissistic personality disorder, and they may have anger or impulse control issues and substance abuse issues on top of that!Such people may abuse because of the benefits they receive from doing so, for instance, sexual or financial gratification, or the simple allure of power over other people's lives.For example, someone with anger management issues, a diagnosis of intermittent explosive disorder, or a drinking or drug problem may easily get out of control during arguments (e.g., because there is something wrong with their ability to inhibit themselves at the brain level) and verbally or physically strike out at their partners and dependents.Still other people who abuse end up abusing because they have an empathy deficit, either because of some sort of brain damage, or because they were so abused themselves as children that their innate empathic abilities never developed properly.
By choosing to be the aggressor and abuser, they may get their first sense of taking control over their own destiny and not being at the mercy of others.
– Jack Treeby, 44, from Rainham, Kent, was run over by a Land Rover in a street in Tovil, Maidstone.
His brother, Gary Treeby, survived being shot in the same incident and later gave evidence.
Why (adult) people who are being abused choose to stay in abusive relationships is another. Their early history consisted of receiving abuse themselves and/or seeing others abused (one parent abusing the other or their sibling, etc.).
Neither of these questions have easy answers and even the strongest attempt to educate yourself as to why people might make these seemingly irrational choices will not lead to complete understanding. The first question, "Why do people abuse other people? As a consequence, abuse is the normal condition of life for these people.